Six Evil Doers and a Baby
by FrauThenardier
Summary: Dr. Evil takes on a foster child! Kaeoss ensues. Read ASAP! DISCONTINUED.
1. The Idea

**Six Evil-Doers and a Baby**

Disclaimer: I don't own Austin Powers, Dr. Evil, or any members of Dr. Evil's organization. I only own Kaeoss Weapon-of-Mass-Destruction Evil, A.J.'s Adoption Ajency, and Princess Fluffykins, the evil kitty. Many ideas for this story I owe to various friends.

Chapter 1: The Idea

"Where did I go wrong?" thought Dr. Evil gloomily. He and Scott had just had one of their many arguments. Scott was annoyed about all the attention he gave Mini-Me. He tried to be evil and impress his father, but all Dr. evil ever did was tease him and say he was semi-evil, and quasi-evil, even the Diet Coke of evil! Just one calorie! Not evil enough! In Dr. Evil's opinion, Scott had rejected him as a role model. The argument had ended with Scott storming out and Dr. Evil throwing a model of the earth at the wall. So much for Preparation H! Oh, well. Not much use worrying about it. Time to hit the hay! And so, Dr. Evil turned out his light and went to sleep.

Dr. Evil tossed and turned. He was having a very weird dream. He walked into the main chamber of his lair, and found a screaming baby on the table. Just then, Frau Farbissina walked in looking not at all surprised that there was a child in their meeting space. "I didn't know you were going to have a baby, Frau,"said Dr. Evil. "Oh, it's not mine, Herr Doktor. It's yours!" Dr. Evil was shocked. "Say what!" Just then, Number2 walked in. "Hello, Dr. Evil. How are you and the baby?" "Huh!" Then, in walked Scott. "Hey, Pop. Hey, Little Guy!" Finally, Fat Bastard came in yelling, "Baby! The other White Meat!" "What is with this freaky-deaky baby business?" Finally, Mini-Me ran screaming across the room and Dr. Evil woke up. "That's it!" he said to himself. "I was cryogenically frozen! I wasn't there to teach Scott to be evil! I shall have to start over!" But the baby would have to be adopted. Dr. Evil did NOT wish to see Frau in labor! He had a feeling it would NOT be pretty. It would begin no later than tomorrow.

The Evil Organization was gathered at the meeting table and Dr. Evil was ready to make his announcement. "Your attention, please. I am dying-"Everyone gasped. "To tell you all that I am adopting-"Everyone went "AWWWWWWW." He went on. "A new face-"Everyone gave him weird looks. Dr. Evil said, "LET ME FINISH! To this family. I am taking on a foster child, preferably a baby. OK, now I'm done." There was a flurry of congratulations and Dr. Evil whipped out his cell phone. "I will now call A.J.'s Adoption Ajency and tell them my intentions." Number2 said," A.J.'s Adoption Ajency! They're the least reputable place in the universe!" "Exactly," Dr. Evil said, dialing the number.

So Dr. Evil is taking on a foster kid. Start reviewing! PLLLEASSE!


	2. Baby Shopping

Chapter 2: Baby Shopping

"This is the one! A little ugly, yes, but definitely evil." Dr. Evil, Frau, and Number2 were doing baby shopping. Number2 was wearing jeans and a polo shirt instead of his usual suit. Frau was wearing her costume for when she visited Dr. Evil in jail in "Goldmember" (blonde wig, pink shirt, jeans, shrug jacket, sunglasses, right down to the Taco Bell bag) only this time her stomach was padded to make her look pregnant, and she and Dr. Evil were wearing wedding rings. Dr. Evil was wearing slacks, a coat over his usual silver shirt, and a hat; and he was trying to grab a nearby toddler out of his stroller. Luckily for the toddler, his mother pushed the carriage away, saying "How dare you call my child ugly and evil? I'll have you know, sir, that he's an angel! You'll be lucky if I don't sue you!" Dr. Evil was stunned. "What was HER problem? I would have paid good money for that kid!" "Uh….Dr. Evil," Number2 said "Baby shopping means buying things FOR a baby, not buying a baby." "I knew that. Now let's get to that furniture store." So they walked off to IKEA, except for Frau, who was waddling behind them trying to figure out how to walk with that damn padding under her shirt. But when they got to IKEA, they met with a terrible shock: none of the baby furniture there was evil! Dr. Evil wandered among the cribs in utter dismay. "Bears. Clouds. Balloons. Rabbits. Moons. Isn't anything here evil? Wait- here's one with little yellow hand grenades!" "Those, Herr Doktor, are pineapples," retorted Frau. In desperation, Dr. Evil walked up to a table carved out of a dark wood. "Here it is, gentlemen, an evil changing table! It even has little drawers for all the baby stuff!" Number2 said "Dr. Evil, that's a coffee table." It was going to be a LONG shopping trip.

Many stores later, they finally found slightly evil furniture (well, at least it had no cutesy prints on it and it could be painted black with little Dr. Evil logos), sort of plain baby supplies (OK, they don't seem to make those anymore, but let's just pretend they do, OK?), and some black layettes at a store called GothSpawn. Now there was nothing but to wait a week for the baby's arrival.

"For the last time, it's a BOY!!!!!" yelled Dr. Evil at Scott. The baby was due to arrive anytime that day, and they were all wondering whether it would be a boy or a girl. Actually, to tell the truth, they were arguing over the matter. "Look, all I'm saying is that it MIGHT be a girl," argued Scott. "Ja, Herr Doktor, Scott could be getting a sister," Said Frau, backing him up. "Whatever it is," Fat Bastard begged "Can I eat it? PLEASE????" "NO!!!!!!" "Well sorr-y," said the obese Scotsman. Just then, there was a knock on the door. "I'M A FATHER!!!!" Dr. Evil yelled as he ran to answer it.


	3. Kaeoss Ensues

_This is the part where the baby finally shows up!!!!_

Chapter 3: Kaeoss Ensues.

"Hi. I'm Brad, the social worker." Dr. Evil had opened the door and standing on the stoop was a zit-faced teen named Brad, the social worker. "Um, hi." Dr. Evil replied. "I'm from A.J.'s Adoption Ajency," Brad continued in his boring, annoying monotone. "Um, yeah, about that. We were expecting someone a little older." " Whatever. In my hometown, for us teens, it's either A.J.'s or the Pizza Plaza, and pizza gives me gas. Now aren't you gonna let me in, Baldo?" Dr. Evil sighed and let him in. " Now, while you sign this, like, paperwork, I'll go get the baby. Yeah." Ten minutes later, Brad came in carrying a basket wherein lay a 3-month-old Goth baby. It was in a black lace nightie and held a little black plush bat. Its eyes were like black pearls set into its little, round face, and its hair shone like a raven's feathers. It even had intricate black eye makeup(Dead Giveaway Alert!). Dr. Evil stared at it, love slowly building up in his eyes. "Breathtaking. He's so CUTE!!!" "Uh….about that," Brad monotoned. "Quiet, Zit-boy. I'm trying to bond with my son. Shouldn't you be getting back to A.J.'s and looking after the other weirdo orphans? You know. That old chestnut." "Mr. Evil," Brad continued. "Dr. Evil. I didn't go to evil medical school for six years to be called Mr. Evil, Monotone Man." "OK, DR. Evil. It's a she." Brad had finally gotten it out. Dr. Evil was stunned. "But-but I thought it was a boy!" Brad sighed. This job could be SO difficult. Oh well. Better to be here giving GothGirl to her psycho new family than to be in the nursery changing the octopus baby! He decided to be patient with them, as patient as a monotonous teenage social worker could be, anyway.

"Yeah. She's a girl. Her parents were two college-student Goths. Father got killed in a gang fight. Mom was hoping to have a boy, to avenge the father, yeah, but instead she pops out Maiden of Darkness here. She thinks, 'Aw, crap! How's this kid gonna avenge him?' So she leaves her at A.J.'s like the other wierdos. Since you guys are evil, I figured you'd be a good family for her. Court meeting in a month. Bye, Baldo." And with that, Brad left.

"So I have a girl," Dr. Evil said. "OK, that's cool." Just then, the baby started crying. "Aw, c'mon! Give Daddy a break!" Dr. Evil was clueless about what to do about it, so he did what every incompetent dad in his situation does: call the nearest woman! "FRAU!!!!! Help me!!!" Frau took the baby and whipped out a bottle out of nowhere and started feeding her. While Frau fed the baby, Number2 remarked "Dr. Evil, this child is going to be a constant source of chaos." "Number2…..you're a genius! That's what I'll call her."

"Kaeoss."


End file.
